With a heavy heart

It's been 18 years since this tiny little, less than three kg doggie came into my life and took permanent residence in my heart. I've seen him grow from a boisterous young puppy into a full fledged Casanova. From the sweet nothings he'd whisper in my ear to get a good belly rub, to the number of times he'd crawl into my lap to take a quick nap, Scotty most certainly knew how to charm the ladies, his doleful eyes and slurpy licks will forever be etched in my memory.

 Last morning he breathed his last as he left this world and a huge void in our lives. Death is painful but watching someone you love suffer for weeks on end has it's own intensity of pain. So at 3 am when I got the message there was a sense of relief, he doesn't have to suffer any more. Sir Walter Scott is now free to frolic with his grandma, mom, sister and daughter in doggie heaven.

It's in these painful moments I've come to realize how much being there for each other matters. A tightly knit family each grieving the loss in their own way, as we laid his frail body on the cold steel table. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I watched  the attendant carry him away, a piece of my heart died as my favourite, handsome, flirtatious love left us all forever.

 I will never hear the pitter patter of his feet again or hear him bark or yodel again, I'd never feel his cold nose rub against my neck as he'd try and snuggle up against me under the sheets, there are so many never to feel experiences the gravityof which hasn't sunk in just yet. 

 Today as we cremated his remains we tried to look at the bright side, recollected all the lovely moments we shared with him, a tiny little dog with a universe of love and caring to give.

On the way back home I found myself clinging to Astra more tightly than usual knowing all to well there will come a day when I'd have to feel this feeling again. But  for now I'll take all the memories of the Yorkie clan and tuck them away safely to relive for eternity.

Here's to Sir Walter Scott, my love you've lived a full and happy life and brought so much joy into our lives, you will forever be missed. 

You were so much more...

Today I feel like a little part of me just died, at 6:15 pm my Macbook Air was pronounced dead, all attempts at recovery were futile, as the Apple service center executive delicately handed over the remains of my love. An empty shell, a black screen that would no longer light up my life.

I know you might think, this woman's lost her marbles, I know a laptop is just a 'thing' but for me my laptop was much much more, it was the medium through which I could express my deepest thoughts, celebrate my feelings through the written word and my artwork.

Many nights we spent together, my laptop playing music in the background as I burnt the midnight oil painting, reading or writing. Lazy Sundays we spent in the company of friends as we watched movies till our eyes hurt, or drunken evenings spent trying to read the lyrics of  songs that were sung horribly off tune. My laptop has seen me laugh my heart out till tears ran down my cheeks and seen me cry till I felt there was nothing left in me. It has kept me company on long drives, entertained me [sometimes with mindless chatter] and sometimes life altering words and visuals. It was my partner in crime, my confidante, my treasure trove of memories, bits and pieces of my life that very few people were privy to.

As I write this post on someone else's laptop, something doesn't feel right, as my fingers grasp in vain for the familiar delicate feel of keys I've known so well, my heart sighs... I will buy another Macbook and we will share moments and create memories but I've reserved a corner in my heart for this little fellow and everything wonderful we've shared over the last couple of years.

You will be missed dearly.